What is Forever alone feeling anyway?
One fine day, I was sipping coffee with my friend, and we were having a random conversation of love, settling in with a partner and I saw my friend on track of hopelessness where she is questioning if she will ever find “the one”? Will she be forever alone?
When we focus on the forever, it is a very extreme word that makes us envision our entire future life which is definitely beyond our control and creates suffering in the present moment.
We all have a basic desire to be with someone, to feel seen, heard, belong, and have a romantic attachment, if absent we fall into the pool of self-doubt, loneliness, and hopelessness.
Well, we can’t judge our feelings as they give direction to our needs! For reference, when we feel hungry, it means we need food! When we feel lonely, it means we need social connections. Doesn’t this sound easy? But is that so easy in our heads?
Unfortunately, No, we either develop a false self-view “there is something wrong with me” or a false view of the world around me “there is no one for me, the world is the cruel place” and isn’t it this where all the struggle starts?
What can we do to manage this feeling?
Acknowledge your feelings, rather than judging them!
The feeling is the result of thought. If I have the thought “I am not good enough”, I would feel disappointed, sad?
Now if I have a thought, I am enough, how would that thought makes you feel?
Feeling alone may not be a desirable feeling but what if you feel hungry which is again not a very desirable feeling, do you judge yourself for being hungry? Or do you accept the feeling and look for food?
Getting rid of the feeling might not be the ideal solution but getting rid of the self-doubt, self-blame, and self-criticism thoughts could be?
Read more to change self-doubt into self-confidence
Explore your idea and purpose of needing a relationship
When we see people around us getting married or in a relationship, we feel an urge to have one too! But let’s pause and understand our idea of a relationship and why we need one. Are you looking for companionship? Are you looking for a long-lasting relationship and what shall that relationship consist of?
Once you are aware, look for opportunities to expand your experiences. Join clubs of your interest, take that first step!
Rather than a defeating narrative for yourself try to choose an empowering narrative
“I will get no one, I will forever be alone” this is a defeating narrative that results in the feeling of hopelessness, helplessness, and worthlessness. Try replacing it with probably a narrative that will help you feel empowered. Complete this for yourself – I choose to deal with this by…………………..
Be more present
We often think about the future and forget what we have right now. Make a list of relationships/strengths you already have.
If you are interested maybe visit a place where you can express your compassion to those in need. If you are an animal person visit dog shelters or if you are a people person volunteer with old age homes. It will help you to bring your focus to what is around you and can be an opportunity to express all the love you have in a place you will not regret.
Remember: If for some reason you are unable to tackle it yourself, there is always help available. It’s just a matter of you opening up! Reach out our online Counselors!
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