Confessions Of Mothers

confessions of mothers

Two souls in one body a miracle ordained by the universe. It’s just me and you my little one, 9 months where you teach me to care for my self and you.

I often wonder about the question, what am I still a mom even before the birth, or do I become one when I conceive? Because I do start integrating my little one into my life and making various changes in lifestyle. Have you felt this way too?

I know these things are not supposed to be said aloud, but sometimes I feel that babies can be a little selfish, they need you only when they want milk, I shared this with my husband, and he explained to me beautifully, that the little one is doing it’s best to survive in this world, its basic instincts are at play, and that made me realise how vulnerable my baby would be without me.

I am a very private person, however, when other women talk about their experiences of being a mother I am fine, however when they talk about how it would be for me, or how I should feed my kid to be or how labour would be, sometimes I feel I just don’t want to hear any of it. I don’t want my experience to be clouded by their biases. I wonder if other moms also feel the same.

My relationship with my parents was always strained, and this makes me feel anxious sometimes, that will I be a good mother to my kid, what if I am not able to establish a bond? Does motherhood come naturally?
But then I try to calm my self and say that- Que Sera Sera..whateverr will be will be. The future’s not ours to see 🙂

It took me 3 months to actually realize that am really pregnant, only when I did the first it’s sound did it sink into me, even now , many times I forget that there is a little being growing within me.

I love reading and watching fiction series when I feel my baby moving within me, or think that there is this little someone inside me, I really feel like an alien at times. I can’t explain it, sometimes it’s weird, sometimes it’s nice.

I often wonder should I call my baby him/her, how do I address it, I have to make an effort to talk out loudly to the baby, like who am I talking to, but research says that you should talk to the baby, it can hear the sound vibrations. I feel it’s a good exercise, makes me feel more confident about my self, once I get over the awkwardness.

My symptoms are not the same.

I am relatively tall, so I did not show till I was in my 5th month and even then it was a very small bump, even in my first trimester I had no vomiting or cravings, I didn’t have much of mood swings in fact I felt much more calmer and satisfied, but other women used to keep asking me or say that am so lucky, I didn’t know how to process it. I feel every pregnancy is unique, as unique as the child that would be.

How is it possible to be happy all the time?

Once you’re pregnant it’s nice that everyone says that you should be happy and think happy thoughts, even your tv watching or reading gets monitored by the family members, however, how is it possible to remain happy 24×7 for 9 months?!
Me being a human I have multiple emotions and the hormones make it every more difficult to control, and every time I find my self-thinking negative especially about the apprehensions about the future I feel guilty, that what if my sombre mood affects my baby, but then I feel, shouldn’t my baby also learn all the emotions and how to cope with them? Is being happy all the time more important or learning to cope with various emotions?

Once my body started to change after pregnancy I used to feel a bit shy to keep seeing my self-change in the mirror, but it was nice also. Slowly I became okay with seeing in the Mirror but when someone clicked my picture and I saw it I felt conscious of the changes in my body. I felt like covering my self more, then realized that maybe it could be because of my body image issue, but slowly I am learning to be comfortable with it.

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