It was an atypical day in the month of May as it never rains at this time of the year and it was the first time that I scored a 40 on 50 in my maths test. Never knew this day would hold such an important event for me because I was broken to never be the same again. She was my cousin sister, 7 years elder to me. I looked-up-to her as she always protected me from bullies. She was my idol.
Let me walk you through my broken pieces. I was an 8-year old chubby-innocent boy at the time it first began. She called me in, saying it was a game which she would play only with me. I felt proud that I was the chosen one among all my competitive cousins. She took me in the room. Put me on the bed and touched me in places and in ways which made me uncomfortable. Though it lasted for only minutes I guess, but it felt like hours. I felt disgusted and proud the same time. Disgusted because I was naked in front of my sister and proud because she chose me, she told I was the special one and it was our little secret.
The happiness of having a secret with my special sister made me feel unique. I kept my promise to not share it with anyone. But whenever it would happen I felt my heart race, tingling in my body, sweaty palms and weak legs. Initially, there was no sensation of pain as she use to rub her against me but then it started to hurt, then it started to bleed and burn but I had promised not to scream. It lasted for almost 3 years until my sister shifted to Delhi. I was upset, I cried and I begged her not to go. I did not want our bond to end. I was desperate. It was after many years that I realized she was wrong, the secret was wrong, the act was wrong. I realized that I was sexually abused. Yes, I was a boy who was sexually abused.
Isn’t it shocking to know that how can a boy be sexually abused? But it happens. It happened to me. It happens to the 53% of our children around India.
Let me first tell you what is considered Child Sexual Abuse (CSA) before shooting the unbelievable facts at you. According to the study in the report of 2007 of Ministry of Women and Child Development sexual abuse is classified as severe forms of sexual abuse and other forms of sexual abuse.
According to the 2007 survey by Indian Ministry following were the results obtained –
Often due to lack of vocabulary and the inhibition of discussing something sexual with our parents (thanks to our culture) children often depict the signs and not share verbally. Below is a list of possible distress signs through which a child might show signs of CSA.
Ø Decrease interaction or in some cases excessive. |
Ø Refusal to be left alone or with certain people or being excessively clingy |
Ø Might bedwet or have nightmares |
Ø Decreased academic performance or truancy from school |
Ø Unaccountable fear of certain sounds or smell or colour or objects |
Ø Excessive anger outburst or mood swings |
Ø Acting out in a sexual manner with toys |
Ø Physical signs of soreness of genital or bruises on private parts. |
There is a reason why a person who is abused is called a survivor and a not a victim. It takes immense strength to stand and face the abuse, not to succumb to the fear. However, child sexual abuse does leave its impact forever, like the boy at the start of the article mentioned: “never to be the same again”. It takes away a part of you and creates a black hole in you.
It can be one of the most heart-breaking experience to have for any parent to discover about their child being abused. However, it is very important that a parent knows how to deal with it. Following are the steps that can you follow to provide a safe space for your child.
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