A breakup can be a challenging a period. Its a grief for the loss of relationship, intimacy, future hopes. But when we fail to grieve for this loss or attend to the difficult feelings by indulging in all the wrongs ways for us, we never really get over our ex.
What has become difficult to deal with a breakup is the presence of our ex all over our life, thanks to social media. It is difficult to grieve over a breakup when your ex is there but never close enough to live the past again.
You can see them acting miserable, or worse see them moving on with someone or something else.
We have compiled top 7 real regrettable mistakes post break up
Hooking up with Someone
I instantly hooked up with someone available right after my breakup. I remember feeling distracted all the time I would be with him. There would be moments I would still think about my ex right in the middle of a romantic dinner. Then end up crying feeling guilty and hurt at the same time. It became too taxing to be affectionate or emotionally available to someone when I did not really feel the love for him. I would always be mentally comparing him with my ex. We broke up eventually.
Hooking up or rebounds may seem to be great filler option to escape loneliness and void one feels right after a breakup. But may lead to carrying unresolved emotions and feelings to your next relationship, adding that extra baggage to your life. You may need to give yourself time to process the loss before investing in a new relationship which would require effort, time and attention. And attending to your feelings of loss and a new relationship at the same time may not be a good idea.
Sending ‘I still love you or I miss you’ to your ex after the breakup
We broke up because his family was not ready to accept me. There was no way to be together again, we both were looking for prospective partners, but one of us ended up texting or drunk dialing. It was really hard for me to not respond, as I would constantly feel that he could be trying to convince his family or probably he could also go against them and we could marry secretly. Well, none of it happened ofcourse but I ended up discovering his engagement photographs on facebook.
It gives a mixed signal, making it more difficult for both of the ex-partners to move on especially if it’s been a mutual breakup. We may want to express it to hold on to the attachment or fear of letting go. It could also be a way to seek validation of how we feel when we get a similar response. It could be a great ego-booster if we get desirable answers but may shatter if we don’t. Both can impede your journey to recovery.
Talking to The Ex
I could never really close the chapter. Even after breakup we would meet like we used to, talk like we used to, but this fear of not finding such a person with a great connect again held me back. Sometimes I would really need definite answers from him, but end up feeling disappointed.
You don’t want to let go of the bond you have had and continue to be involved with each other without any transitional recovery to loss. Two of you can constantly go back-and-forth with the fear of unknown and implicit hope. Feelings may continue to bud, one may start to experience anger or extreme sadness due to uncertainty.
Another reason for being friends with the ex- taking the responsibility to help them move on and avoiding all possibilities for our ex to hold negative feelings for us.
This instead may not help our ex at all, as they only land up in doldrums if they should move on or let go as their hopes to get back together grow every time you show care and love.
Indulging in Self hate, guilt-trips
Is there something I did that went wrong?
Could I have avoided it?
Why didn’t I see this coming?
Was I not enough?
Am I a bad person to have left that person?
Breakups often lead us to find fault within ourselves. People are never perfect, nor they are born to handle and manage conflicts perfectly. They make mistakes and more than often they take a LOT of time to know themselves and understand their relationship needs. Don’t brood over mistakes, instead take charge and work on yourself to become a better person.
Breakups can be taken as an opportunity to learn more about ourselves and identify our wants and needs.
Idealizing Your Ex
But we were perfect, she was perfect.
The connect I felt with her I can never feel with someone else.
There is nobody I can find who could be better than her.
While I moved on which took me 5 years, I realized what a disaster we would have been together.
Research says that one of the major reason for not being able to move on is that we idealize our ex. We tend to focus only on the positives of our relationship and them. Negative feelings subside once we start to assess the relationship and our ex objectively- that is writing down their flaws and downsides of the previous relationship.
So let’s stop romanticizing them!
I became dependent on alcohol, because I had absoluely nothing to do!
It sort of became a company to my loneliness,
an antidote to my despair and
tranquilizer to my sleeplessness.
One common way to deal with our feelings post-breakup is the addiction to nicotine and alcohol. We suppress our feelings, distract our real emotions by overindulging instead of dealing with them objectively. Our time required to heal only increases manifold, infact we may never be able to heal at all with the loss experienced until processed constructively.
I’m not capable of love anymore
I kept telling myself for long 10 years that love for was not meant for me. I had become bitter. I had closed myself to all the possibilities of falling in love. Although I didnt miss my ex anymore, I still did miss myself. In my therapy I reflected on all my hurt and fears. And discovered that I hid in my shell, veiled my vulnerabilities and chose to live cowardly rather than happily.
We may feel exhausted and give up on love. We may lose our will and hope to invest in another relationship as it may look taxing or fear it would fail too in a similar fashion. We may carry this feeling of hopelessness within us for a very long time overlooking some good people we happen to meet.
What is Your Worst Breakup Mistake? Let us know by sharing your story below or visiting on our WhatsApp Window!