In today’s time where almost everyone is in a relationship with their loved ones. People keep asking me “Why aren’t you in a relationship? You’re so beautiful and confident; You must definitely have a boyfriend!”
Well, thank you for the compliment, however; I am not all those things so that I can be in a relationship. Even if I’m not one of those things, then does it mean that I cannot be in a relationship? Well, that’s funny. Who makes these rules?
Firstly, people need to get their distortions right, as to why do we get in a relationship? Is it because one person fits in the checklist of another person, or is it out of loneliness or just because nowadays everyone is dating, so why not me?
Dating has now become so common, just like breathing.
So why such intense desire to date?
Publicised pictures/check-in from our friends
There are certain factors that are important in any/every relationship; like trust, time duration, understanding, acceptance, loyalty, respect, etc.
Can these be captured in a collage of photos/check-in?
We often come to a conclusion that “I am not happy, because I’m not in a relationship”.
It does not mean that if one has a lover in one’s life, so their entire life is sorted.
40% of people try to improve their image via social media. Hence, someone else’s projection of perfection should not be one’s personal standard.
Often our friends tell us about their relationships, we tend to feel from within how lucky they are, right?
And we end up imagining how it would be if I were to be in a relationship?
Well, do you really think that just because your friends are in a relationship, you must also be in one? I think we can come up with better reasons.
We need to accept that they are just in a different phase of life, and we all go at our own pace. Therefore, we do not have to be in a relationship simply because other people around us are.
While they are enjoying this phase, you enjoy yours and focus on other aspects of your life like career, growth, passion, family, friends, etc.
Cinema has exposed to us the concept of romantic idealism, where being in love is all about flowers, romance, candle-light dinners; and partners as a source of happiness.
Well, there is no denying that the whole concept of falling in love is beautiful and very special; but romantic movies and stories do over-hype it.
Also, while watching these movies or reading love stories, we focus all our energy and highlight the fact of being in love with just one person i.e. a romantic lover.
In search of ONE, when there are MANY
Why is the constant emphasis only on that one person who is NOT there in our life, even when we have so many other people around us?
Imagine you are sitting at a table with your family & group of friends. Now here, you are constantly looking at the door and waiting for someone to come and join you, who you think will make you happy.
Now, let us see what exactly you are doing here:
1) Completely disregarding the importance of people who are currently present with you, as you are constantly anxious while waiting for the other person to come.
2) You are assuming that now when that special person comes you will become happy and satisfied. But, how sure are you of that? If the currently present people are not able to make you happy, why do you think this new person will be able to fulfill all your expectations?
3) Here, you are not living in the moment, and constantly worrying about the future. This way you will never be able to be happy with what you have.
4) While all your focus is on the new person that may/may not come, there might be a high chance that you may lose out on the existing important people in your life, as you are not showing the required interest and concern towards them.
Now isn’t this what we do in our lives too?
Our parents were there to take care of us when we were born, and if they wouldn’t have been there then it would have been very difficult for us to survive or get through that phase easily. If we think about it, at that point did you have your lover? Well, your parents were the best form of love you could have got at that time.
Then, when you grew up you had your siblings and friends around you, and growing up became so beautiful and eventful. That time, you had your best friends in form of love. Who could have even thought of having a lover at that time, right?
Do you think you could have sacrificed these relationships to have a romantic lover instead? The fact that we want a romantic relationship is fair enough, however, other relationships are important too, and there is a right time and moment to be with someone.
Our needs of getting into a relationship may differ from person to person. Thus, one must make decisions based on their own needs, and not because others say so.
What Is Your Reason?
When you became friends with your best friend, could you force yourself to be friends with that person, or did you decide from the beginning that “oh, I am going to be best friends with him.” Well, we cannot plan who all are going to be a part of our lives.
Our life is a long journey and there will be so many entries and exits. And this will happen throughout our lifetime.
When you travel by train, some travelers get off the train just after 2-3 stations, and some of them get off at the last station. It is upon them how far they want to travel, and not the choice of the train. If we apply the same analogy in our lives, there will be few people who would be there for some time, and few who would stay until the end. Like the train, we cannot force them to stay with us, however, what we can do is enjoy their time and journey with us, for as long as they are there.
We all have different reasons to be with someone. You might have often seen that a specific person might be liked by few people and not by others. It does not mean that something is wrong with that person. It is only because we all look for different things in every person.
For example one might look for an emotional support and the other person might look for intellectual or physical comfort in a partner. Thus, the needs differ from person to person.
Hence, you must realise what you are looking for in a person, and that will make it easier for you settle for the right partner. Until you find that comfort or connection in someone, you must not settle for anything less than that.
Enjoy Where You Are
The point where you are in your life right now is very important. Enjoy it to the fullest as you might not get it back. You might have even heard this phrase that “while you are single, it is one of the best phases of your life”. And it is true. There are so many aspects you can embrace, like your friendship, your family, your career, your hobbies, entertainment, etc.
We often desire to own what others have, and have this habit of disregarding what we have in our lives. We might not even know how other people would be secretly wishing to live our kind of life. One must be determined and persistent on how to go about what you wish to acquire. For that, it is important to understand your feelings and the motive behind them. If you have a set purpose in your life, you will not be wavered by what other people are doing in their lives.
Thus, enjoy where you are in your life right now, because that is also for a reason!
I’m also in a very important relationship with one person, and that is ME. Yes, I am in a relationship with myself. Now, this may sound cliché to some people, but that does not negate the truth. If you think about it, the most important person in your life would be you, as all the things you do is for your own happiness and satisfaction, right?
Loving oneself is a lifelong romance, and I would do the best I can to love myself. Wouldn’t it be unfair if I let anyone else hurt me? Now I know what kind of person I am, and the best part is that I don’t even have to justify myself or anyone else for my actions. It is important that before I take care of someone else, I must fall in love with myself first.
Do you think you can love someone else if you don’t love yourself? If you do not accept and love the way you are, how can you be accepting towards other?
There are some important elements required to love oneself and those are:
Here, pampering yourself would include taking gradual care of yourself. Gradual care would be giving yourself a deep and lasting nourishment, like having a ‘me time’ on a daily basis.
Making sure you have a good support system of your loved ones in your life, giving a gateway to your emotions so that you do not feel burdened, taking out some time from your career, your roles and responsibilities, and doing something for “self-satisfaction”.
At times, when everyone is busy, I try to go solo with these activities. It gives me a sense of satisfaction and gives me a much needed ‘me’ time, which ends up being quite productive. There are so many activities that can be done solo too, like: driving, listening to music, watching a movie or a play, going for a quick meal at a restaurant/café, gifting myself what I need, etc.
To some people going solo may seem a little difficult; however one must try doing it. Even if you are in a relationship, you too need your own personal time and space, right? Spacing yourself from the chaos around you and giving yourself a break from everything, is the best thing you can do to keep yourself sorted.
It gives an amazing insight that comes from within only, which no other person can bring in you. Thus, I try to go on a date with myself for some self-introspection, to romanticize with the nature, and to observe the people around me. That’s just a fun task to do, and you might not be even aware, but this might become addictive to you, if you give it a shot!
As an individual I would want to be the best in whatever I do, and I am doing it so that I can be happy with myself. How can someone else’s existence be more important than mine in my own life? I agree that it gives us so much peace and happiness when we have our loved one around us. It kind of makes our lives even more beautiful. Well, I am not deprived of this in my life, for that I have my friends and my family, who play such an important role in my life. With them it almost seems that my life couldn’t be more perfect. I have got their back and they’ve got mine.
It takes lot of efforts even in these relationships to keep them going smoothly.
Thus, having a goal set in my life, I have quite a clear path set as to how I want to move forward. Even with the perfect kind of planning, there will still be many challenges and surprises lying ahead, and that is what I am living for.
If you start enjoying, then life could be the best adventure you will ever have, even if it is to go solo, because you’ve got the best companion, and that’s YOU!