How To Get Your Ex Back

How to get your ex back

So you’d want to know how you can get back with your ex or how to make things better. Your ex and you might have had some difficulties in the past and that could have led to them leaving. Now, you’re stuck and want to know how you can get back with your ex.

We’ve curated a step-to-step guide for you, don’t worry we’re here. While we promise no such thing as this trick would work 100% for you but we can guarantee that it might work for you to get back with your girlfriend or boyfriend. 

Steps You Can Take and Things To Say To Get Your Ex Back

Step-to-Guide

1. Give them Space

Yes, you heard it right. If you’d constantly text them or call them, you’d push them further away. However, if you want to win them back, you would need to give them the time and distance they’re asking for. Texting or calling them continuously would further push them away as sometimes all we need is time for soul searching. 

Plus, giving time to them would allow them to reflect on the relationship. They might start recalling the positive aspects of the relationship and might give you a call themselves. 

2. Apply the No Contact Rule 

Yes, you read it right. This can be difficult, especially if you were together for a long time but you need to set certain boundaries. It’s difficult to cut off all the ties with someone who has loved you so dearly but giving the space and time to each of you would do good. 

A little no contact would ensure that both of you would miss each other. With you both starting to focus on life, you and your ex would start realizing the absence of one another. 

With no contact, it gives an opportunity to realize the absence hence, if actually, your ex would want to establish a healthy relationship with you, they’d definitely contact you. 

3. Become A Person You Can Be Proud Of

This is where you can make a change. If you don’t make constructive changes in your life, it becomes less attractive to the other person. Yes, you need time and space to grieve but focusing on life would immensely help. 

Striking a balance between professional and personal life is crucial. And since with the breakup, you need to focus on yourself, go out there, live, and embrace your life. 

You have to be content with your life in order to attract the person back into your life. Focusing on your goals, living your life, and embracing every moment would help you in achieving your personal goals. And before you attract the person back into your life, you need to reclaim your true self. 

4. Make Some Positive Changes In The Way You Think

When it comes to attracting that person back into your life, you need to make changes in your thoughts as well. No matter what the circumstances were before, to lead a happy life, changing your attitude towards life helps immensely. 

5. Work On Your Self-Esteem

If you’re struggling with neediness, you probably lack self-esteem. If you look outside to feel better, you’re looking in the wrong direction. Having self-esteem means believing in yourself and having faith in your actions. If you’re lacking self-esteem, you also wouldn’t feel whole as a person. 

To increase your self-esteem, concentrating on strengths and working on emotional, social, and appearance would make a difference. Focusing on the positive traits and working on them would make a difference, for instance, if you’re good at baking, you can probably bake cookies for your neighbors. This would enhance confidence in your own self.

6. Inviting A Relationship Discussion

  • Ask your ex to have a conversation with you- Having an honest discussion about your feelings towards them might make things clearer on both ends. For instance, having an intimate discussion with your ex would be a good way to communicate rather than texting or talking over the phone. Ask them out to a coffee shop or a place you both liked going to before. That could ignite the spark between the two. 
  • Prepare your words– It’s important to think about what might be the first thing you’d say. Starting the conversation with ‘I’ve been thinking about us and what happened wrong and I’d want to initiate a new start’ would help rather than discussing the same old story with them. Expressing regret over what happened and not stretching the whole thing would make them realize that you’re genuinely interested in making things better.
  • Apologize- Think about what had gone wrong and truly apologize to them and clear it all. Do not play the blame game with them as it would only push them away. A true apology goes a long way and avoids using words like ‘I’m sorry but as it only makes them feel that you’re still blaming them for what happened. 

Lastly,

If none of the steps have worked for you, you shall accept the break-up and move on. According to various studies, it has been found that it’s crucial to focus on the best parts of the relationship and move with focusing on your individual growth. One of the best techniques found is to spend 10-15 minutes daily journaling about the positive impacts of the breakup. Give yourself time and focus on yourself, on your goals and growth. Spend time with your loved ones and embrace singlehood before starting something new with someone else. 

Case Study:

When my boyfriend broke up with me after a 5-year long relationship, I felt that my world had broken apart.

I didn’t know what to do or why this happened..I just cried for days on end. I tried reaching out to him but he would never respond. He had blocked me from everywhere.

I became more unhappy day by day. I would keep reading our PREVIOUS conversations on Whatsapp or look at our pictures together. Ironically, more than when we were together, He was becoming the single MOST important focus in my life after our breakup. I couldn’t let go of the future we had dreamt of together. How could he LET GO of that?

I couldn’t concentrate on my work and kept having crying spells every night. I was NOT ready to accept that we are no longer together and kept thinking of how to get him back. – Manjari

breakup is a devastating experience that can leave us feeling emotionally overwhelmed and in pain. It is not easy to accept that a person that we loved is no longer a part of our life and hence there might be instances where one partner wishes to reconnect and revive the relationship.

Some of the most common reasons for a break-up can be lack of understanding, breakdown in communications, cheating, abuse, falling out of love, circumstances, financial situations, different priorities at that time etc.

Process of reconnection

The majority of times, soon after a breakup there is a painful phase wherein a person experiences emptiness, loneliness, and sadness. There is a lack of interest and concentration in other areas of life. This period may feel like a withdrawal phase where we are in a hurry to return to the safety, comfort, and happiness that we used to receive from our partner but this is also a risky phase

Why?

According to research, up to 80% of couples who decide to get back together after a breakup end up breaking up again because they have not yet been able to identify and resolve the underlying cause of their dissatisfaction in the relationship

So what can be done?

TIMEOUT- Taking out personal time to get some perspective would help us to assess the following:

1. What went wrong in the relationship?
Introspection on what went wrong in the first place is very important to not fall in the same trap again. This will help us to identify and work upon the thought and behavior patterns that led to the breakup in the first place.

Plus, it gives us the space to get past the initial unbearable phase of desperation and loneliness that makes us take certain steps that might further close the window of reconnecting with our partner.

2. Did we play any part in the demise of the relationship?

Timeout helps to deal with any sense of dependence that we might have developed within the relationship or feelings of insecurity and unworthiness that commonly crops up after the break up.

We can look back at incidents wherein any of our intrapersonal factors affected the relationship in a negative manner and what can we do now if such situations were to happen again.

We all have developed a certain way of relating to others, communication patterns, conflict resolution styles, emotional reactivity, attachment styles, and love languages All these factors come into play in the dynamics of our relationships. Hence identifying these factors would help us to further gain a better understanding of the part we play in a relationship.

What can make us feel empowered and in control over what we have an impact on is ourselves. Our feelings are ours to manage, not a demand to get our partner to change the behavior that was allegedly causing them.

We can contemplate on:

Is there something missing within us that we are expecting our partner to fulfill?

What are our ideas of personal space and boundaries in relationships?

Are we lacking in a secure sense of self?

This time can be used to develop a more secure and content self and work on ourselves to be better versions otherwise we end up sabotaging our chances and it makes us seem needy and desperate, which reinforces our partner to push us away from their life as it reminds them of the reasons the relationship ended.

3. What are the reasons to reconnect with our partner?

Once we are aware of the reasons for the breakup and take accountability and responsibility for how we may have contributed to the challenges that led to it then it becomes easier to see the underlying concerns that we may have overlooked earlier as we were too involved and attached to the trigger- our partner.

Compatibility in terms of core values, beliefs, approaches towards life, and relationships needs to be taken into account. We can introspect on the following questions

Are we compatible personalities? Are there any irreconcilable differences that need to be worked on?

Are we coming into the relationship from a place of need, fear, or obligation rather than happiness and freedom?

The best time to get your ex back is when you know you can do fairly well without them. You WANT to be with them rather than NEED to be with them.

Once we are completely certain that we have worked on ourselves and are ready to invest in the relationship again then we can focus on the next step which is trying to reconnect with them. This may be a step full of apprehensions and we may not be able to control their response to our intention of reconnecting but we can focus on letting them know about them. After that, it is up to them whether they also feel the same way

If they are willing to reconnect, we can first walk through our versions of what happened before the breakup and what we both can do in order to make it better this time individually and as a couple.

If they are unwilling, though it is heartbreaking and crushing, it is necessary to understand that we cannot force someone to develop or strengthen their feelings for us. As individuals, we are different and unique, and hence how we perceive the relationship and how the break-up affected us would be different.


Either way, the decision has more clarity and conviction when the realization comes from within rather than when it is forced.

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