Life, as we know, has many spheres to it, with romance being an integral part of our existence. So, what does it take to be in love? Romance is everywhere these days – Facebook, Snapchat, you name it! But have you ever pondered over some of it’s behind-the-scenes? When do we know that our relationship is going out the window? It is often said that the love of a person completes them, or makes them whole. I would care to disagree a little there. We are all complete and significant, and love is but a choice that we make, day after day, to be with somebody who, yet again, is complete. It is the coming together of two wholes to willingly form a union – is how I see it.
According to research, people aged 18-24 are the fastest among all age groups to consider themselves in an exclusive relationship. Out of these relationships, about 66% of the cases have women as being the first one to say ‘I Love You’ to the person they have feelings for. As fulfilling as relationships ought to be, while some are seen enjoying it, others are seen struggling to stay afloat the ocean of love. Why, you may ask? There may be a variety of reasons behind both good and bad relationships. If putting hard work into your romance does not come naturally to you, read on to find out about the eight key aspects of a relationship to make life easier!
Respect before all else
Psychological surveys conducted on couples stated that most people claimed Communication to be the most important aspect of a healthy relationship. However, upon further study of relationships that lasted beyond 20-30 years, it was found that respect was what one should have for their partner before anything else. We communicate with many, but do we respect every person we communicate with? Think about it.
Speaking of personality types – the two most commonly known are ‘extroverts’ and ‘introverts’. While on one hand, the former derives energy by being around people and loves social situations; the latter, on the other hand, find contentment and energy within themselves, with little to no interest in socialising. People in relationships with such contrasting persona types would have to work harder to build a strong foundation. If we go to look at it from a positive perspective, even distinguishing personalities can have very fulfilling romances if there is mutual understanding between them, since the introvert would regain their energy through their me-time and self-love, while the extroverted partner would always have their significant other who could make them feel rejuvenated. It is about having your thoughts in sync with that of your partner’s.
Accepting individual differences
Many-a-times, we tend to love a person for who they are, but when it comes to their characteristics that may vary from that of ours – a lot of us have issues cropping up in the relationship owing to the same. This is something that should essentially be avoided, keeping in mind the fact that we’re all born different. One may consider evaluating the values of these individual differences that exist in their relationship against the relationship itself. If the latter feels more important, then we know that we must not allow our varying opinions to create drifts in our romance. No two people can humanly be a carbon copy of each other – acknowledgement and acceptance of this universal truth can save us from very many misunderstandings.
Ah! No article on relationships is complete without this one. Communication, as it is rightly said, is key. Even individuals with distinguishing personality types can share the strongest of bonds if they are willing to communicate, irrespective of how they are towards the others around them. We may not always have positive things to say to each other, or many a times, just our tone while we convey things might tick our partner off. Communicationshould take place in a humble and timely manner to avoid emotional buildup and the subsequent development of stressors. Lack of communicationalso paves the way for assumptions and misunderstandings, and I am sure we all would want to avoid that, right?
As individuals, we all have our respective thresholds towards our emotions and feelings. While some people may come across as being aggressive, others may appear relatively calm and peaceful. We develop these characteristics over due course of time, and it is not always that we have utmost control over the habits that we end up adopting and following. As two significant wholes who are willingly part of a union, both parties should know when to snap or when to give in. Remember – just because you snap doesn’t mean you’re boss, and just because you gave-in, doesn’t make you the weak one. For instance, when you feel that there is no going back for your partner during an argument, make it a point to take a deep breath, and work towards calming the situation. Also, if your significant other happens to be in a poor frame of mind, you may consider saving the negative talks for some time later when they are in a better mood. One must know when to react and when to respond, because only reactions alone from both parties may trigger explosive situations.
Choice v/s Need
When it comes to romantic relationships, another important factor that we must understand is the difference between making a choice, and having a need. When we choose to be with somebody, it may not necessarily be accompanied by the need to be in a romantic setup. However, when we feel the need for romance, we are more likely to settle for the first person that strikes our mind without putting careful thought into things. I often have people tell me that they are seeing somebody because they ‘really wanted to be in a relationship’ – not because they loved or admired their partner; not because it brings them stability and peace, but because they were in need of a relationship. This is where bonds turn toxic without us even realising, which is why it is important to distinguish needs from choices. In order to avoid impulsiveness and take better decisions, one must evaluate the reasons behind their desire to be with somebody – be it their personality, mature outlook towards things, or intelligence. While pondering over these factors, the aspect of need should not crop up; that is when you know you are making a choice.
Inspiration over disrupted-envy
As mentioned before – no two people are absolutely alike, which means that there is a fair chance of one being better at something in comparison to the other. This, in turn, is likely to pave the way for disrupted envy, or even jealousy for that matter – something that should be highly avoided in order to sustain a fulfilling and healthy romance. For instance, a common reason of dispute arising out of this point among young couples is academic performance and education. The need to compete against the world ends up overshadowing your relationship, and instead of helping each other cope with things the other finds challenging, people end up in a web of conflicts due to their competitive outlook. How we perceive something can really turn things around for us, which is why if both parties happened to appreciate the good qualities and skill sets of one another, and looked at each other as an inspiration; believe it or not, but co-existing with your partner would become so much more simpler!
Another key aspect of a relationship is mindfulness. A person is said to have attained this state of mind when their thoughts, feelings, and actions are in accordance with one another. This means, that what one thinks and feels is what they speak and do. There may be times wherein your partner may commit to something they couldn’t fulfil, or make a promise they failed to keep. It is okay if it happens some times, because perfectionism is non-existent among us by virtue of being human. However, if this is, or has become a common occurrence, then it is imperative that something be done about it. Relationships turn sour over time, if either or both parties fail to keep their word, and so it is important for people to make conscious efforts to keep things beautiful and nice. This could be achieved by analysing one’s availability before making commitments, stealing the moment to take positive initiatives instead of waiting for the right time, or even conveying your schedule to your partner well in advance to facilitate better understanding between the two of you among others. While a romance may require heavy investments in terms of emotions, energy, and even time; if done rightly, it can turn out to be one of the most rewarding decisions of your life.
I hope that you carry a piece of this writing back with you, and that it helps you make wiser decisions in love, and nurture your relationships in a more refined manner.