“We were in the same class since our childhood. We grew up together, looking at each other, caring for each other but always one step away from being together. It’s been more than 15 years now, I love her but I feel scared to ask her to be with me. What do I do? When do I ask? What do I say? How do I ask her how she feels?”
There are so many of us who feel uncertain when thinking to propose a girl- should I ask the person I wish to be with if they wish to be with me? Will they say yes? What if they don’t? What would they like? What is the best way to propose a girl? How can I propose a girl? What are the ways to propose a girl? And even before thinking of popping the question of being together, questions like Am I asking the right person? What if it’s too soon? What if they befriend me? What if they feel I am not perfect for them? Am I ready? Is the person I like ready?
Here are somethings you can think about before deciding to propose and worrying about how to do that:
Be certain the person you are thinking of proposing is the “One” for you.
Everyone knows that relationships are a Roller Coaster ride, it’s all hearts and flowers one moment and the next is thorns and screaming. It is important not only to focus on the good things that lie ahead in case you both are together but to ask yourself- do I wish to go through tough times, fights and disagreements, flaws and mistakes, and come to a common ground, put in efforts to make things work to be with this person? Take your time here to write down what you love about them and why you want to be with them.
This is going to help you frame a proposal which is individual and personal to your relationship in particular. As well as, this will remind you about why you wish to be with them through light and dark. Don’t let external factors get in the way- the family is pressuring you or because they keep hinting they want to be together. These or other reasons that involve any kind of pressure may not stand the test of time and everyone can get hurt.
Some ways to be certain they’ll say yes
It can be much easier to propose if the person we care for has already dropped hints that they want to take the next step with us.
If they behave differently around or if the topics of the future, relationship, marriage, kids, etc., seem unwanted to them, it can help to hold off until we are a little more sure.
Even if we don’t know what their response would be, its important to gather the courage and ask them because if we don’t ask we’ll never know how they are truly feeling.
In case you are proposing your partner for marriage, it is natural to feel very nervous about their feelings, therefore, putting in some time to make sure they want you forever will help you feel secure during the proposal.
5 things that may be stopping you from Propose the person you like or love
1. I don’t feel Confident that they would say yes to “ME”
Many a times before asking someone to be with us we end up introspecting our own qualities, our positives wondering whether we are good enough and capable for someone to say yes to us. Sometimes we come up empty and that hinders us from asking the person we care about to take the relationship to the next level.
An important aspect of self-confidence is self-awareness. Rather than putting pressure on yourself ask yourself who is someone who is good enough, what are the characteristics they possess example: being loving, caring, considerate towards our partner’s needs and expectations, a good listener, understanding, supporting etc. and from your definition how many do you feel you have, how many you can work towards.
2. Fear of failure
Whenever there is a chance that things may not go our way, we seem to have something stopping us from moving ahead- it is our anxiety. This fear that we might fail can stem from a fear that others might judge us or our on negative association to failure or our feeling that we fail because there is something lacking in us which is why we weren’t worthy of being with the person we love or care for. This may affect our Self- Esteem and all this happens without us being aware of it, our coping mechanisms are protecting us from losing our “Self” thus, causing a hindrance in us taking the next step.
No human being is 100% perfect which means we all have to face failure every now and then so why do we feel that failure is something negative? There are so many people we meet on a day to day basis, some may want to be good friends with us but we don’t feel a connection with them. It’s not that something is lacking in them, it’s just that as individuals we are unique and the other person may not feel as connected to us as we feel to them. It doesn’t mean we are any less or anything is lacking in us or that we are inferior.
3. Fear of Judgement.
“I love him but if I ask him what will he say? How will he react? What will he think of me?” Thoughts like these can really make us second guess ourselves everytime we decide to pop the question- ‘Are you ready to take the next step with me?’. If we are asked by someone we don’t feel a connect with we are understanding and we do let them off gently- we don’t judge them or misunderstand their intentions then why do we feel our intentions would be misunderstood?
4. Opposite gender discomfort.
It’s easier to speak and express ourself to someone from the same gender, it is because we feel associated and understand how they would respond, however, with the opposite gender we feel a disconnect. It may be because we have heard so many people draw out a difference between the two genders; or because we have never had a chance to communicate with them (Coming from an all boys or all girls alma mater); or we have faced a negative experience in the past of a conversation with the opposite gender gone wrong.
The first step is to understand why we are feeling a discomfort and the second step to overcome the thoughts by turning them into positive- what if I do understand this person? what if now that I know the difference I am better able to understand and therefore, have an advantage over those who don’t? What if this experience does not turn out to be like the past? Isn’t it worth the risk to ask this person out?
5. Love Language.
There can be many ways in which we express our love and affection- We could express our love and make our partner feel special by telling them how important they are; or we may like to consciously invest in time being spent with our partner. We maybe expressing our care by helping our partner by doing something for them like driving them to work everyday; or by giving a thoughtful gift to our partner every now and then. We may feel that the person we care for may have a different love language as compared to ours.
Quite often, two people aspiring to be together tend to have different love languages. As a unique individual, it is natural for us to have our own unique way of expressing our care and affection. A great way to know what the other person may prefer and how they expect for us to express our love- what would make them happy is by communicating- asking them theirs and telling them our expectations.