“I am 27 years old, engineer, successful for my age, well settled and caring yet I have never had anyone to care for; I have added so many hearts and flowers kind of gifts to my Archies Cart yet I have never had anyone to gift them to; I have eaten at so many restaurants and visited so many places which I have wanted to revisit with someone special yet I have never in my entire life had someone to take with me. I have been trying for such a long time but no matter how hard I try I haven’t found the One. Is it so hard to find someone to support me? My friends, cousins, even my juniors at work have someone wonderful waiting for them, Why am I alone?”
“I need a Girlfriend” Why You Don’t Have A Girlfriend? 14 Reasons-
Many of us have felt lonely, unloved, not cared for at least once without knowing why or what we could do to find the person we connect with here’s 14 reasons why you may be finding it difficult to find a partner and what you can do so you have someone special who makes you feel loved and cared for.
1. Not Knowing What We Can Do
Dating can be compared to job-hunting, says Evan Marc Katz, if we are unhappy being unemployed, we would update our resume, talk to friends, do research online, and ask for informational interviews. Similarly, it can help in dating to redo our profile, go on a dating site, make plans with our friends to get out of the house and be introduced to other girls, say yes to social opportunities.
2. Not Trying Enough Times
Studies say the majority of people that can’t find themselves in a relationship just don’t try enough times. We don’t like rejection and if muster up the courage to ask someone to meet with them again only to hear a no, it often takes months before we’ll try again. However, if we don’t see rejection as something negative and keep on trying to find the person right for us we have a better chance of finding someone.
3. Making Excuses
When we’ve been single for sometime, it tends to bring about a lot of self-doubt. We tend to justify why we are single. “I’m too busy to find someone, I want to get in better shape before I meet someone, I’m not good enough, I’m too picky, the good ones are taken, I refuse to settle…” We need to let go of these excuses and get out of our comfort zone to find someone.
4. Meeting The Same People
It’s normal to have a daily routine, but going to the same places at the exact same time can limit who we meet and prevent us from meeting someone new. Having an open mind, being approachable and getting out of our comfort zone sometimes can work wonders in meeting new people from time to time. We don’t have to completely change our routine, but being flexible can help us run into someone that we might not have met before.
5. Being The Person That Hangs Out Behind The Popular Crowd
Hanging out with the popular people can be a defence mechanism or can also be a way we feel we can be popular and can receive attention, can be known. However, that only ends up hiding you, creating a barrier from the people who you may connect with and who may develop into being someone special.
6. Looking For Nothing Less Than Perfection
Most of the times we have so many expectations, or a checklist; or a fantasy of an ideal partner due to societal norms, movies, magazines or other different influences and no one seems to live upto your standards or what you are looking for. It can help to understand and analyse our expectations- is it a realistic expectation? How important is it for me that my partner lives up to this or other expectations I have? Just like us the person you are looking for may not be perfect but may be perfect for us. We’ll never know until we try.
7. Attracting The Wrong People
Often we may find a shared similarity among the people we like and attract. Recognizing what that similarity is and why we feel so drawn to it can help us notice it and not fall for it again. Changing this comes from self work, self awareness and self acceptance. “When you value yourself enough, you will be turned off by anything or anyone who is not respecting you or serving your needs.”- Bekker
8. Being Closed Off To Initiating Connection
Very often we maybe avoiding engaging with people in public, whether we’re looking down, avoiding eye contact, or not initiating a conversation when we get an opportunity to connect with someone in a social situation for example- Gym or train etc. Smiling more, using eye contact, being nice to people around and starting conversations with everyone and anyone can really improve our chances to find the One.
9. Being Demotivated After The First Attempt
When we ask someone to meet us again and if they’re busy, we usually take it as someone who is not interested and leave it at that. Sometimes the other person can be genuinely busy and may not be covertly saying no, we can still ask again at a different time. Maybe the other person needs a little time to warm up to you.
10. Feeling Insecure
We all have things we don’t like about ourselves we can either work towards changing those to feel better or we can understand that everyone has flaws and that’s no reason not to have someone special. However, most of the times we let our insecurities get in the way of finding someone. Only when we love and accept ourselves for who we are can we truly love someone and only then can someone love us.
11. Trying Too Hard To Be Perfect
When we seem to be too perfect, this puts pressure on our partner to try and be perfect too. Then they feel not good enough and that’s enough to break everything that we have been trying to build. Also, no one can be perfect, trying to achieve that can make us feel helpless and low on our self- esteem, thus increasing our insecurities.
12. Expecting The Other Person To Make The First Move
Sometimes fear of rejection or so as “not to make things awkward, to not lose our friendship”, or some other reasons can really push us to expect the person we like to make the first move. Sometimes they may not and we may never know what could have been had we just asked.
13. When We Tend To Complain A Lot
Our attitude and demeanor also contributes to the effect we have on the person we are meeting. When we meet someone we want them to be positive and look forward to all the good things that life has brought them and tends to keep bringing them- same goes for the person sitting in front of us.
14. Being Too Emotionally Invested
Most of the times when we meet someone we end up placing all our bets on the person we meet right away. It can be natural to start planning our future with someone we’ve only met once, however, it’s important to consider how serious they are for us before deeming them the right one for us.
“The more you date the more likely you are to meet someone worth settling down with,” says Bekker. “You just have to be patient with the process. Take breaks when you feel drained, set boundaries for yourself and adhere to your standards. If a committed relationship is what you want, don’t waste time with people who are more interested in casual dating.”