Finding out your ex getting married could be the hardest moments for anyone. For someone, it could be harder then break up. Going through a breakup can be very distressing and stressful, and there’s no one way you are supposed to feel about it or deal with it. Often, you are filled with many confusing emotions at once, and you may wonder if what you’re feeling is normal. It might even become overwhelming to deal with emotions. But, it’s absolutely normal to feel this way. There are 7 general stages of a break-up that you can go through. The order may not be in the same for everyone, nor is the emotional experience. But the general blueprint is the same.
The stages of a break-up are-
- Shock and denial
- Desperate need for answers
- Fear, loneliness, and sadness
- Bargaining (a.k.a. the “crazy” stage)
- Peace and acceptance
The stages of a break-up help you to move on, but what if something more hurtful comes next? A situation is worse than your break-up, your ex getting married. Whether it is an ex that you got over some time ago or the pain of the break is still fresh, them getting married can lead to emergence of feelings like pain, hurt, and a lot of times the need to have them back. This situation can vary for people. Some could still be in love with their ex and watching them getting married could be very painful, some could still be in love with an ex-husband or ex-wife and some could be experiencing an ex coming back after years, leading to a surge of feelings that had been buried away.
How to Cope when your Ex is getting Married?
From the emotional aspect, you could either be over your ex, or still in love with them. Watching them getting married in any situation however, feels like an emotional rollercoaster of feelings you thought you buried away. The love for them, the hurt you felt during the break up, remembering all the good and bad times you had with them leaves you emotionally exhausted. The ways to cope with any of these situations is usually the same.
1. Feeling the hurt and pain is okay. It is not okay to bottle all the emotions inside. Letting them out, feeling them again is a much better way to cope.
2. Having a support system around you is a good way to deal with your emotions. Being around people with whom you can share your feeling, and they will validate your feelings is a good way to strengthen your emotions about the break-up being a good decision.
3. Trying not to contact your ex is also an important coping mechanism. Especially when they’re getting married, it is a good idea to not contact them and bring up old feelings.
4. Another way to cope is to not compare your relationships to theirs. Especially if they are getting married, it is better to not try and compare your love life to theirs, whether consciously or subconsciously. It is important to remember that you don’t need to have a similar love life to theirs to be happy.
5. Focusing on the reasons why you broke-up is a good way to remind yourself that is okay that they are moving on. It is usually because of their faults, and focusing on their negatives can help remind you why you are better without them.
As mentioned before your situation with your ex can be different from that of others. You could still be in love with your ex-boyfriend or could have moved on, you could still be in love with an ex-husband, or you could be getting back after a divorce. In cases of break-up after a marriage, children might get involved in your coping process.
Some married couples choose to stay together even when they are unhappy for their children. But, coping with a child in the mix can make the process even more difficult. Usually, partners see each other because of the child after separating, and when they get married that doesn’t stop. This continued communication can hinder the coping process. But that does not mean that you can’t cope.
#1. Children might have their own feelings regarding the marriage, whether negative or positive. Attending to their feelings is important and in the process of comforting them about being okay with a new step-parent in their lives, you can give yourself the same reassurance.
#2. In cases of divorce, it is beneficial to have a little more space from the in-laws. It could help in the process of coping with the marriage, but also in moving on and opening up to the possibility of another marriage and another family to be a part of.
Why You Can’t Get Over Your Ex?
In any and every situation, a break-up can lead to emergence of such emotions as love for you ex, remembering your good times together. But, it could also lead to emergence of negative feelings, like the hurt and betrayal of the breakup, the pain you felt for days, the feeling of emptiness.
Using all these negative emotions is another way to cope with your ex getting married. Stop looking for ways to get your ex back. Remembering their worst habits that drove you crazy, the times they hurt you, the very reason you broke up, whether it be cheating or simply falling out of love, all of these are feeling that you could use to feel better about your present. Feel better about being single, or even in a new relationship, because you won’t have to deal with your ex’s shortcoming anymore.
Whether you still love your ex, or have moved on, feelings can re-emerge when they get married. And it is okay to experience all of them. In-fact the best way to cope is to feel, recognize that you are feeling and then let go of those feelings for the better. So, don’t bottle it up or feel like it is not okay. You will come out of this feeling stronger, and most importantly, you will get over your ex and move on in your life. You will be happier without them in your life and you will find someone that makes you happier.