There are times in every relationship when you reach such a crossroad.
Now a person who has been in a relationship, marital crisis, separation, divorce, a long-term relationship breakdown or extremely difficult circumstances, have been HURT and hurt wreaks our hearts and mind. All of a sudden you are bombarded with a lot of emotional conflicts and decisions to make. We are stuck at the crossroad. Right or Left? Yes or no? May be or May be not? Should I stay or should I leave? Will I be able to move on?
The very thought of leaving the relationship can jolt us because we are plagued with a lot of fears.
- Fear of rejection/failure
- Fear of being unloved
- Fear of judgements and opinions and embarrassing our family
- Fear of abandonment
- Fear of uncertainty
- Fear of trusting again
Well, it’s natural to feel the fear, the real challenges come whether you are challenging the fear or you are letting the fear overpower you. These fears are like loud static that makes it hard to hear our inner voice, causing us to feel confused and distancing us away from the clarity within us all.
How Do You Decide, if it’s the dead-end or a just another hurdle?
- Are you the reactive type that immediately views it as negative, and starts to plan an escape route?
- Do you sit and contemplate the crossroad, look at it from all angles and then determine if it makes sense to move forward?
- Or do you stay for the sake of staying, because you think that being in an unhappy relationship is better than being alone?
- All we really want to know is that everything will be alright in the end!
- Now the people in the relationship make a choice to share their lives together often work hard and make a lot of comprises in order to make the relationship work. The very thought of stepping out can shatter us. Now the real question is how to decide.
- This delicate dynamic consists of multiple levels, that have been born out of hours of communication, bonding, growing, changing, and understanding the core person that lies beneath whatever exterior may exist.
- Before we take a decision, it is necessary to figure out why such doubts are manifesting within us and untangle the web of thoughts that is more often self-created.
Ask yourself the following questions, which will help you gain insight:
- Am I reacting or responding to the conflicts in the relationship?
- Should I let an external or a situational factor ruin my relationship?
- Whether the conflicts outweigh the strength and the bond of the relationship?
- Is the difference of opinions and values causing the conflicts? If yes, can you work on it? Can you find a common ground?
- Were you able to communicate your feelings to your partner or are you just avoiding to have a difficult conversation.
- If there is an uncertainty of future are you read to wait for it? Is it worth waiting?
- What is the bigger picture of your relationship, 2 weeks from now will the conflicts matter to you and your relationship
- Are there any external stressors that are taking the toll in the relationship? If yes, are you letting them hamper your relationship. Is it right to let those factors govern your relationship?
- Are you in this relationship because you fear of being alone?
- What is your idea of a healthy relationship?
- Were you and your partner able your concerns to each other, or are you forming assumptions regarding your partner’s behavior. Have you asked why he/she indulges in the behavior.
If I could have it any way I wanted, if anything was possible, what would I want?
Deep down, what do I desire?
What’s the truth of this situation?
When we are emotionally charged and hurt, then that generally clouds the judgement of taking the right decision. Emotional pain is one of the strongest emotions there is, and it can not only cloud our thinking but also our faith. It’s often the misconceptions we build in our minds rather than our circumstances that cloud our ability to see. Hence, first you need to gather yourself and then think and sit with it.
We all get confused at times, but prolonged periods of confusion can cause us to feel that we are stuck in a never-ending, foggy web of uncertainty. Confusion can make us feel powerless, anxious, stressed and a whole host of other draining emotions.
Do you need to take an unbiased view and get a fresh perspective to this situation with a professional who can help you gauge what is healthy and what is not, and help you list down alternatives that’s best suited for you?
To move from confusion to clarity, it’s not enough to simply go inside, find the answers, and leave it at that. It matters what you do with the answers once you have them. try to trust whatever emerged from your inner voice, even if it doesn’t yet make sense to you.
A crossroad is merely a moment in time, when you pause to reflect on your current position. Without it, you may never appreciate the intricacy or the strength, that truly is the footing of the relationship. Anything out of the ordinary can cause stress in a relationship.