In a relationship with someone, yet feeling lonely? Sounds oxymoronic, isn’t it? Well, not so much.
“Loneliness is defined by negative feelings that occur when a person perceives a difference between their ideal social relationships and those that exist.”
Perlman (2004)
Experiencing loneliness is subjective and cannot be explained through objective parameters. Research indicates that people may have a small group of friends they socialise with and yet may never feel lonely, while those with a large social group, may feel so. Thus, people may be romantically committed and still feel consumed by loneliness. The quote, quality over quantity most aptly fits here.
While there can be several reasons for feeling lonely, we have highlighted some of the most important ones for you here.
One of the most common reasons for being alone in a relationship is attributed to being unplugged with your partner.
Couples report that their relationship is not the same anymore as there often is a lack of communication between them. It is not uncommon to hear that one of the partners is completely absorbed in their work and is unable to take out time to spend with the spouse/family. As much as it is important to maintain a work-life balance to be able to sustain your relationship, it is also important to utilise the time you take out for your spouse judiciously.
Gottman says that “sharing vulnerabilities stops either partner from feeling lonely or invisible”.
It is crucial that partners not only speak superficially but also create a space for each other in their relationship that allows either one of them to speak about their difficulties and insecurities. As vulnerabilities can serve as blocks to honest communication in a relationship, at times. Research suggests engaging in common activities, may help partners overcome communication gaps and give them a mutual topic to speak about.
At times, people may realise that they have been feeling lonely before they entered into the relationship. This could be attributed to genetics. Some people have a genetic makeup which makes them more inclined towards feeling isolated and alone as compared with others. Research done by Nature (2016) indicates that Loneliness may be an inherited characteristic and many individuals may be genetically predisposed during their lives to experience greater pangs of loneliness.
While it may seem impossible to get over feeling alone and extremely frustrating to some people, as they aren’t able to see a way out of it. There are a couple of ways that can be used to work on this feeling.
You may first, identify how you feel and label those feelings.
In a nutshell, you must be attuned to the emotional needs of your partner and if you find yourself not being able to help them, then seek professional help and grow together.
Discover more about Loneliness –
Seeking help is a sign of courage. Don't let self-limiting beliefs hold you back from a life you deserve. Avail online therapy to become happier and better. Learn how
Copyright © 2021 BetterLYF Wellness Pvt Ltd
Disclaimer: Please note that we are not a crisis intervention helpline. Should you have severe symptoms or have thought about harming yourself, please seek immediate medical help or call suicide prevention helplines such as
Aasra 24x7 Helpline: 91-22-27546669