When He Ghosted Me

Was our relationship fake?
I have so many questions to ask?
Will I hear from him again?
I thought we were having a great time together. Why did he disappear like that?
Did I do something wrong? I don’t even know what was my mistake?
Out of desperation, I mailed, texted and called him but no response.
How could he be so indifferent to what I am going through?

Such thoughts and emotions are common when a person is ghosted.

GHOSTING is the act of withdrawing from all forms of communication without providing any reason or explanation. Initially it is natural to assume that there might have been some communication failure or emergency because of which the person is not responding however if after several days or weeks there is no response then it means that you have been ghosted.

Ghoster’s Part

She was a sweet girl but this being her first relationship,  after a few weeks, I could see that she was way too eager to meet, call and text daily and would easily get hurt if I declined or was busy with my friends..I was tired of making excuses..Is it wrog if I want some time alone?
For her the concept SPACE didnot exist. I tried making her understand but she felt rejected and unloved.

I did not know how to express this to her..I didnt have the energy to deal with all her questions especially about my past. She was a genuinely caring and innocent person but this was not working out for me. I need my space.

I stopped calling or responding to her texts. My phone was filled with 10-20 messages and missed calls daily but initially it stopped..It used to make me uncomfortable but this was the easiest way out for me.

Effects of Ghosting

Emotional Turmoil- The sudden end of all interaction leaves the ghosted person feeling confused, helpless, hurt and abandoned. The person may feel misled especially if there was an expectation of it evolving into something more long term. It might lead to stalking behaviors on social media sites to find answers as to what happened.
It may lead to a sense of loneliness and emptiness if that had become a part and parcel of your daily life. Missing their interest, attention, and care, the exchange and sharing of day to day activities is common.

Low Self Esteem– Self-esteem takes a hit as they are left to figure out and make sense of what happened and more often than not end up blaming themselves and taking it personally. Victims of ghosting try to find out what could have gone wrong on their part that they were not given any explanation for ending the relationship.


HOW TO MOVE ON WHEN GHOSTED

1. Put an End to Self Blame– Ghosting isn’t a sign that you are at fault or you deserved it.
It shows he/she doesn’t have the emotional maturity to deal with the discomfort of their emotions or yours in a healthy manner hence such people tend o take the easy way out to forego the uncomfortable break up talk or any form of confrontation.

2. Emotional Expression– Talking about the emotional turmoil caused due to the act of ghosting helps in relieving the stress and pain pathways that have been triggered. Keeping it inside would lead to emotional buildup, which in turn can trigger stress.

3. Physical Activity– Undertaking some form of physical activity (sports, cycling, jogging, swimming, gym, dance, etc.). This would not only give you a chance to keep yourself occupied, but also leave you relatively tired to be able to sit and overthink about the experience.

4. Letter to Ghoster– Due to the abrupt, sudden cut off there might be numerous questions that remain unanswered which further create emotional disturbance. Penning a letter to the ghoster, writing all emotions of shock, hurt, disappointment, disrespect and pain and the questions that are not allowing you to let go might help in unburdening a significant amount of that weight.

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