One sided love has been romanticized by love stories, songs and movies as something that hurts us but helps us to grow through the pain. The common notion is about one person unfailingly placing the object of his affection on a pedestal and putting their needs first over his/her own desires and happiness.
When we watch movies we sympathize with the hero or heroine who has fallen in love with a person but their affections are not being reciprocated. It can also take a darker more ominous turn in the form of stalking, cyber crime, acid attacks and various other heinous crimes when the pursuer is unable to accept the rejection of the pursued.
FACTORS IN UNREQUITED LOVE
When we love someone we desire reciprocation from our object of affection and if our expectations are unmet then it can become distressing for us.
The reasons that may lead to a scenario of one sided love could be:
Lack of commitment from one person- We might be willing to give our all to that person but they are either confused, aren’t ready to commit in a relationship or are in a relationship with someone else.
One person desiring only friendship – This is a very common reason for which a colloquial term used is being friendzoned. In this scenario one friend transcends the bond offriendship and has developed even stronger feelings for their friend but they do not feel the same and want to restrict the bond within the boundaries of friendship
HOW TO GET OVER UNREQUITED LOVE
Am I unworthy of his love?– In life we might meet people whom we develop strong feelings for but it’s not always necessary that they might feel the same way about us. What causes us stress is the notion that maybe we were unworthy of their love or affection, there might be something lacking in us or we are not up to the mark for that person. In order to make the other person notice us, we might even try to change ourselves to become more desirable for them. What we fail to remember at such times is that each person has certain ideas of a romantic partner or relationship and just because we do not meet that ideal does not reflect on us as individuals.
There is nothing left in life! – Relationships are an important aspect of our life but they are an aspect and not our life in itself. When we are facing challenges in one aspect of our life, we can actively take a decision to focus on other domains of our being- career, family, passions and hobbies and focus on developing ourselves into better versions of ourselves as with such experiences one of the casualties can be our self confidence.
Hence spending time with ourselves and introspecting on how we see ourselves and our life shaping in the long run can serve as a productive distraction
I don’t have anyone in my life!- When we are undergoing such times wherein we see that the person who is the cynosure of our attention is not acknowledging our presence or affection then we might get into a tendency to negatively evaluate ourselves which acts as an insult to the injury. At such times we must remember that there are people who are genuinely there for us, love us and support us in our entirety inclusive of our quirks, foibles and uniqueness
I will never get over her- The impact of those feelings would fade away with time and conscious efforts when we build on new memories with our loved ones or widen our social network, meet people and learn more about our own self through those interactions and experiences.
I will not be able to fall in love ever- We can either let this one experience shape our beliefs about ourselves, relationships and romantic partners or we can learn from such experiences about what we are looking for in a future relationship/partner, what works for us in a relationship, what doesn’t and what are our expectations in a relationship.
We often have this notion that love can happen only once in our life but love is a beautiful emotion that takes different forms one may experience it at different times, phases and with different people.
We often forget that there are various relationships that we are a part of that have love, affection and attention as an integral part of them. We tend to undermine those relationships when we are faced with such circumstances.
No matter how much we try we cannot make someone develop feelings for us so there comes a point where we need to realize that moving on though difficult becomes necessary step to overcome this phase.
It is tough but holding on might end up hurting us more than letting go.