“I had been noticing people giving me their work to complete at the office and on their deadlines. I had noticed them criticizing me for not doing their work upto the mark or passing down the scolding they got passive- aggressively to me. Telling me how I couldn’t do anything right, how I screwed up their reputation etc.
It’s not that I made the mistakes on purpose, I tried my 100% but it was their work, their deadlines and I had my own work as well. Too much work and sometimes little clarity on what is to be done it takes a toll on all of us. Sometimes I was unwell and still on the laptop doing others’ works.
I found it difficult to say “No”, found it difficult to tell them “this is your work, not mine to begin with so if you want it right- Do it yourself”, found it difficult to talk to make friends, found it difficult to interact with boys, found it difficult to do anything to be the person I am.
Fortunately, one day my boss was at my table and he saw me doing some other work. He realized what I was going through and who was doing all the work. He called me to his room and asked me what was going on, initially I denied everything for the fear that others might land in trouble- no the fear that if they do then they might say mean things to me again.
He pursued the questions empathetically assuring me everything would be fine and I started crying.
I was exhausted, I had been doing 4 people plus my work for months because I couldn’t say “No” to them, because felt that I couldn’t make friends if I said no, I wanted to feel important; to be of worth to someone, I wanted to feel I was good enough; I felt that I couldn’t do anything right- I couldn’t be a good friend, a good daughter, a good employee, a good anything… I just wanted to feel better about myself.
But who apart from me could help me feel better about myself?”
Self- Confidence is an individual’s trust in his or her own abilities, capacities, and judgments, or belief that he or she can successfully face day to day challenges and demands (Psychology Dictionary Online).
Self image and confidence gives you the feeling of being important, being capable of doing anything you set out to do, being capable of being good at what you are doing and it comes from within.
Here are 10 Powerful Ways to Build Self Image and Confidence
1. Identify the situations that affect your confidence. For example, you may notice your confidence takes a blow when you go to the class.
Try to think about what it is about this situation that makes you self-conscious and make adjustments to help improve your self-confidence. Would you feel better if you wore different clothes? Sat on a different seat? Or went to the class on time so you don’t get criticized for being late?
2. Criticism from a friend or family member can also have a negative effect on your confidence. For example, a family member always pointing out your flaws and putting you down saying you aren’t good enough or you are too fat (thus creating Body- Image Issues). If it’s a friend, you can keep your distance from them; if a family member then finds techniques to deal with the demotivation and blow to your own Self Image.
Can you make everyone happy? Is perfection real?
Is The Expectation Real?Is the criticism coming from the biases the person holds?
The subjective standards, which is DIFFERENT for everyone? What is the true intention of the person? Do they want you to become better or they want to pull you down?
3. Focus on improving your own life for the better, not on making your life more like your best friend’s, your older brother’s, or like those of the celebrities you see on television. Don’t compare yourself.
4. Use positive self-talk. Such as “I am going to try it,” “I can be successful if I work at it,” or “people will listen to me”. This can help in overcoming self-doubt as well.
Writing a Gratitude diary can also help in keeping us positive.
Little reminders placed all around your house may also help you to be more confident.
5. Acknowledge and challenge your negative thoughts. For example, if you have the thought, “I am stupid,”
Step 1. Acknowledge that it is just a thought by saying to yourself, “I am having the thought that I am stupid.”
Step 2. Challenge the thought by asking yourself “what makes me feel stupid?”, “If I had a friend in the same situation would I think of him as stupid as well?”
Step 3. Replace it with something positive like, “I am not stupid, it’s just a natural error I made and one situation doesn’t define me as a person”
6. Visualize yourself being confident- Close your eyes and imagine a time when you succeeded at something or when you felt especially confident. Try to remember every detail of that moment, where you were, who was there, what was said, and how you felt.
7. Set aside time to do things that make you feel relaxed and happy can improve your self image and confidence as well as your productivity at work and at home. Find a hobby or a passion that makes you feel better physically and mentally. It helps in making you feel proud of your achievements and capabilities.
8. Standing up for yourself or simply speaking up when you have something to add to a conversation shows that you are confident. It is important to make an effort to express our point of view. Think about the reasons why people should hear, believe, and respect what you have to say.
9. Remember that you are in control of your future, your goals, and your own happiness. If people try to damage your confidence, remind yourself of your accomplishments and admirable traits.
10. Exercising, eating well, and getting plenty of rest can all have an impact on how you feel about yourself. Dressing well having a positive body posture and body language and a smile can also help improve your Self Confidence. This can be one of the ways to help in personality development.
“How can anyone see how Great you are if you can’t see it yourself?”