The Greek god Narcissus was so fascinated with himself that, in a puddle of water, he spent most of his life looking at his reflection. He was contemptuous of those who loved him, leading some, to show their loyalty, to end their own lives. His tale is a great lesson about excessive self-love’s disastrous results. The narcissistic personality disorder takes its name from the tale of Narcissus as individuals with narcissism exhibit similar traits.
Occasionally, almost everyone indulges in narcissistic behavior, however, there is a thin line between its manifestation as mere traits and its manifestation as a disorder. There are personalities marked by extreme self-involvement and persistent disrespect for others which are classified as persons with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
People who exhibit narcissist traits can manipulate and use another person as a means to gain affirmation, boost their self-esteem, or getting any of their needs met. This is what is called narcissist abuse.
According to Miller, people are deprived of what psychoanalyst Otto Fenichel referred to as the ‘narcissistic supply’.
According to Fenichel, children who grew up with narcissistic parents were not given adequate encouragement, appreciation, and opportunities to boost self-esteem, due to which they developed poor mental health.
I believe by now you have a decent idea about what narcissism is and how can it manifest in a person. I understand that the lines may be blurred between self-love and narcissism and it may be difficult to see through someone especially when you meet them for the first time.
So, the question is, how do you manage this?
Be aware of getting attracted to their charming personality. It is very easy to feel attracted to their magnetic persona which may make you feel that they will fulfill all your needs and take care of you, however, that is just a web to seek obedient admirers.
People with narcissistic personality have an innate need to seek recognition and that is their primary aim to forming any type of relationship is to fulfill that need, and they are ready to go lengths for that. As they are motivated by a need which can be very overpowering, you must draw your boundaries, else your relation with them can be very exhausting.
It may be the case that you are used to people taking over your space, therefore, it is important to you may ask yourself some questions that may help you regain your boundaries.
Remember to approach the person in a calm and composed manner as narcissists can get defensive when they hear criticism about themselves as that damages their worldview where everything is happy and perfect. Aim to address how you feel instead of highlighting their intentions to avoid triggering them.
Be prepared to face consequences of creating boundaries as for a narcissistic it may be an indication that you are gaining control and they are no longer in power. They might manipulate you or charm you to give up the new change you have decided to make or try to punish you by showing how damaging the change is for them.
What they say about you and your behavior is a way to project their feelings of inferiority/shame/low-self esteem onto you, as accepting it for themselves is difficult. You may seem like space where they can let it out, without letting those emotions to impact them. It can be saddening and frustrating to take the blame for something you haven’t done, however, please know, it isn’t about you. It is them.
Be aware of what you are signing up for and be truthful about the consequences of being with a narcissistic. Unless a narcissist seeks help from a professional and undergoes regular therapy, there are very fewer chances of them changing into someone who will love you unconditionally. Therefore, we suggest you seek support somewhere else or create it if you can, it is important for your mental;health.
Word of caution: It won’t be easy. Narcissists are charmers! Narcissistic do ensure codependency which may make you won’t prioritize your safety and your sense of self lesser as compared with being in a relationship with them. However. it is important to note that in a relationship, nobody needs to be harassed, intimidated, or physically and emotionally abused. There are ways to exit and begin the process of recovery from the narcissist and the shame and self-blame.
It will never be easy to live with a narcissist, so it’s easiest if you can put a gap between yourself and this person. This can be more complicated, though, if this person is a family member or co-worker. In this situation, it helps to understand who you are interacting with and how to approach contact in as safe a manner as possible.
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