How to Deal with an Identity Crisis

Identity Crisis Wo am i

“The deepest bond that you will ever share, is the one that you share with yourself.”

– Anon

At some point in our lives, we must have had people tell us – ‘Only you know yourself the best’; or, ‘Nobody can know you as much as you know yourself’. What I am trying to imply here is that it is somehow a worldly accepted thought that all of us understand ourselves completely, and know what we want and what must we avoid.

However, there are many out there who are yet in the process of finding themselves, and discovering who they truly are while undergoing their own set of challenges during those times. It is not just those who are employed that are stressed out. Another cause of worry on the rise is the pre-placement stress, or the stress that individuals, primarily students undergo prior to securing a job.

Being a part of an ever-competitive world, a large amount of our college life goes into fighting to be on the top in order to meet with our own expectations, as well as the expectations of our loved ones.

What is Identity?

Identity is the way we define ourselves. This includes our values, our beliefs, and our personality. It deals with where we place ourselves in the society, how we relate to various characteristics and situations, as well as how aware are we about who we ‘really’ are when it comes to our hopes, desires, goals, ambitions, likes, dislikes, strengths, weaknesses, tastes and preferences.

What is Self Discovery?

Let me begin by telling you that any one of us can find it difficult to understand our own self; it is not a disease. A person’s identity is something that keeps on growing and expanding over the course of their experiences and choices, and through the course of their lives, they keep on gaining an insight into their own character at various levels – be it a characteristic or situation, or accepting something as part of their own personality by relating to it.

The more knowledge we acquire about ourselves, the happier we become as people, which is why it would be highly stressful to find it difficult to find your own identity.

Things You May Commonly Feel:

  • Unsure of your role, goals, and ambitions in life;
  • Getting a complex from people who are clear about what they want;
  • Experiencing discomfort when somebody asks you about yourself;
  • Difficulty in establishing and maintaining healthy intimate relationships.

One may also feel the need to understanding who they really are during life-changing situations such as: the beginning of a new job or relationship, the birth of a child, the end of an employment, complete change in one’s environment, and the death of a loved one among many others.

The Path to Self-Discovery

A happy person is one who is aware of who they truly are. By having an understanding of one’s own thoughts and persona, an individual will be empowered to live peacefully and make the best out of their lives.

Accept Yourself

The very first step towards self-discovery is to embrace yourself from the inside. Knowing oneself is a gradual process, and so one should not panic while they are on the path to finding themselves.

“Yes, I can!”

Tell yourself that you can do it. Look yourself in the eye in a mirror, and tell yourself that you will do what it takes to find yourself. A little pep-talk each day will help you stay self-motivated and self-driven.

Explore different areas

We often tend to find parts of ourselves in the things that we decide to do. Exploring places, study programs, or even work cultures may lead to us identifying ourselves with certain aspects of the same, thereby adding value to our personality.


It is always a good idea to introspect and evaluate our thoughts, words, and actions so that we are able to understand the areas where we would have to improve as humans. Sit back and think about your relationship with your parents, your spouse/partner, your children, friends, and other loved ones. Looking for loopholes in your interpersonal relations and attempting to work upon the same will help you discover bits of yourself in the process.

The Human Chrysalis

Let me give you the example of a caterpillar; in order to achieve its complete and successful transformation, it spins a chrysalis around itself. Similarly, while on the path to finding yourself and unveiling who you truly are, your chrysalis, or your ‘container’ will be the practices that you choose to undertake, which in turn will help you find you.

Lastly, I would say that it all boils down to the choices that we make in life. It is okay to experience difficulty in identifying oneself, but it is not okay to not do anything to change that. Remember: lack of identity does not mean lack of potential, and once you begin your journey towards self-discovery, you will realize how special and unique you are as an individual in a world of billions.

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