In this fast pacing life we often forget, that in order to move forward peacefully, we must give us that one big gift of Forgiveness.
What stops us from forgiving oneself?
Our Value System.
We all do mistakes sometimes, so why is learning to forgive oneself a lot harder than forgiving others?
There might be instances when we
· Act out of impulse and hurt someone’s feelings,
· Cannot keep up to a promise,
· Feel we are the reason for someone else’s misdeeds,
· Cheat on someone.
As, when we have done something “wrong,” we register it in our memories. Damage to someone else might be accompanied by guilt in our memory.
As a result when we do something that we regret, we often connect it to a statement for instance ‘I always do the wrong thing’, or with an emotion which then becomes an alarm which we might snooze but if not resolved it does not stop from ringing with us.
How to let go of this buzzing tone?
In order to forgive one self, we have to first acknowledge these alarming thoughts, and then understand that they are backed by some emotions.
The reason most of us feel that emotion exists for actions done in the past is because those actions are not in line with our current morals and value system.
Our past mistakes can actually serve as a clue for us to understand what we hold important.
By identifying our morals and value system, we can get a clearer picture as to “why” we’re hurting over what we’ve done, or what others did to us.
We are unable to let go of our past.
We all are made of unique pasts, and this past exists within us, and we feel this as a defining factor of who we are.
In order to forgive our self, we have to let go of the past that we feel as ‘US’. It is often easier to let go of others mistake as we do not see that as that as giving up as a part of us.
How can we let go of our past?
In order to, release that part of your past that you need to forgive, it is helpful to remember that we’re all doing the best we can in any moment.
If one had known that the action could cause pain to others or yourself, one would probably not have engaged in it.
Hence, the fact to remember here is that we can’t undo the past, the past is done.
Increased acceptance can lead to the emotional healing we are all looking for. In order to get over the past, re-do it in your mind.
Never underestimate the power of a “re-do”. Write down how you would have done things differently if you could go back and do it again. In doing so, we affirm that we not only learned from our past mistake, but that if we had the skills we have now, back then, we would have done things differently.
Your past mistakes are meant to guide you in future and not define what you are.
We tend to be harsh when it comes to our mistakes.
Unfortunately, the society we live in teaches us categories of what is right and what is wrong, and this is how we get wired from the beginning. We see that a wrong deed has to be followed by a punishment, but is that so?
We forget that if we do not take initiative and make a mistake, we often restrict ourselves from new explorations.
How can we change this?
When we learned how to ride a bike, most of us realized it would probably take a few tries before achieving perfection. New behavior and thinking patterns are no different. They’re both skills. Realize that you’re going to make mistakes. We all do.
In order to forgive ourselves, we first have to admit to ourselves that we did something which was not in congruence to our expectations. We have to take that ownership and acknowledge the flaw or mistake and remember, not punish us but learn from it.
Remember that these small mistakes are stepping stones for learning.
We love others, but we forget to do the same for us.
We all are capable of loving others; give them that unending shower of love and care. But often we forget to do the same for us.
Aren’t we deserving of love?
It is often easier to forgive your loved ones than a stranger, as we replace that anger and refer back to the goodness you love in them.
When we do this, it gets easier for us to forgive them, as we see all positives and weigh them against that one small negative event. This happens due to that unconditional love we give them.
How can let go and love our self
Now in order to forgive, we simply need to do the same to us. If our past consists of our mistake, it also consists of the strengths and good deeds we did.
The last step in forgiving oneself is moving toward loving yourself. Think kind thoughts toward yourself and show yourself some compassion.
If we can learn to think of ourselves as our best friend, to speak to ourselves with love and kindness, and put ourselves as a priority, it reaffirms that we believe we are worth it.
One forgives to the degree one loves, so start to love you.
Learn how to love yourself by our article on self-compassion: Art of self compassion
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