Break Ups

 

Relationships, they are simply beautiful, they keep us allied, confident and focused. Relationships give us strength, it makes us feel complete but it does come with its own share of ups and down. These struggles sometimes do take unimaginable ugly turns resulting in breakups.

Dealing with or overcoming a break-up is easier said than done. We are more inclined to instant gratification and instant pain relief. At such times we turn to our friends for solace in such situations. Most often than not, what we get to hear is:

  • ‘dude be a man and get over it’
  • ‘let’s have a breakup party, booze, cry and the next day you’ll be fine’
  • ‘ let’s go for shopping’
  • ‘will show him what you deserve’

Though well intentioned, these instant and quick fixes offered to us may help to distract ourselves for a short period of time or numb the pain for a while but don’t resolve the emptiness and hurt we experience.

How does moving on feel like:

Verbal Cues Non-verbal Cues
Depressed Emotionally exhausted
Isolated Emotional or binge eating
Lack of acceptance Excessive spending
Talking about memories repeatedly Disturbed sleep cycle
Aggressive or violent over trivial matters Stalking on social networking sites
Disturbed routine Acting out to be moved-on

As a mental health professional I truly agree dealing with breakup is indeed a challenging task because the loss is irrevocable, the pain is unexplainable, the feeling is uncontrollable, the state of mind is overwhelming, emotional and psychological investment in the person is gone for a toss. Loss of interest, sleep, appetite, detachment and lost social interest takes charge and control us.

Causes

  • Infidelity

    Realizing one’s partner is unfaithful and cheating on you emotionally or sexually.

  • Societal norms or pressure

    Family and society’s interference and un-acceptance of one another may be a cause for parting ways.

  • Incompatibility

    Class, status, conduct, emotional and mental understanding of one another and life situations.

  • Misunderstanding

    Often we are unable to express or explain the cause of our behaviour or words. We might be scared but take it out as anger. There are also many other external forces that intervenes in our relationship leading to miscommunication and misjudgement of past and present equation.

  • Unfulfilled Expectations

    We all have few expectations from our partner, we are also ready to adjust and compromise few things here and there, but in long run these unfulfilled expectations from the partner may lead to an unhealthy bond.

  • Abuse

    Relationship can be abusive in many ways be it emotional, sexual, physical or psychological in nature and lead to deteriorating of the relationship and eventually it’s end.

Such challenging and overwhelming situations can be dealt systematically and strategically in a therapy session where the aim is to help you overcome breakup as per your response and tolerance level and move towards emotional healing.

The package on moving -on after a break up deals with

  • Dealing with loss/change/void or emptiness
  • Dealing with overwhelming emotions
  • Dealing with self-blame or self-criticism
  • Rationalizing situation
  • Moving responsibly and with positive self-worth
  • Follow-up

Session Structure (Important Aspects)

  • History Taking

    Revolves around understanding the gravity of the situation and severity of emotions. It will allow you to develop a trusting relation with your therapist and gain an assurance that you are not alone in this journey, you have reliable person to guide you through the challenging phase.

  • Dealing With Emotional Challenges

    Working on overwhelming and challenging depressive emotions that we want to fight hard but does not seem in our control. We definitely know this is not how we want to feel and control the situation but that feeling of helplessness and powerlessness overtakes us. So therapy helps us understand on bad days where we feel at our lowest, how do we deal with ourselves, our emotions and the memories that accompany a break up.

  • Dealing With Overthinking/ Psychological Challenges

    Loss of a relationship forces us to think how our few actions or whole me would have stopped this fateful event from happening and I wouldn’t have to go through this painful event in my life. Thinking so, we knowingly/ unknowingly slip into a vicious cycle of self-blame or self-criticizing mode that does not allow us to see the flip side of the coin.

  • Accepting Truth

    Heartbreak isn’t most definitely not easy to cope with especially when we have this whole lot of negative and sad emotions overwhelming us. However in order to develop emotional wellbeing and growth, consulting a therapist is important to be fair with ourselves by evaluating right and wrong, giving ourselves the same benefit of doubt that we would offer others and it begins with Acceptance.

  • Moving On

    A break up is an unfortunate experience and brings along with it tremendous pain. Through therapy we explore ways to move responsibly because one loss should not lead to many more losses i.e. relationship was one part of life, not the entire life. Taking accountability of other aspects of life and moving on with positive self-worth is the ultimate goal of therapy.

  • Follow Up

    Follow up session to understand how each session goals have impacted me and how well I am dealing with loss/void/ emptiness. As dealing with break up is a process hence there might be days where we feel we are back to square one, hence follow up sessions are required to deal with such days.

Counseling Qutcome

  • Catharsis- release of pent up emotions
  • Effective dealing of thoughts and emotions
  • Staying in charge of other aspects of life
  • Understanding of healthy coping mechanisms
  • Acceptance and moving-on in good spirit
  • Most importantly loving and respecting yourself for dealing with such a challenging experience

Know Your Counsellor

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