Falling Out of Love

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Happily Ever After doesn't always happen. You felt you found JUST the person you want to live with and dreamt of a future together. There was excitement all around, and why not, after all how many of us find true love? And you just seemed to have.

Love is a complex mix of feelings, emotions, attraction, attachment, respect, admiration between two individuals who will keep evolving over time.

You may love each other as you are today but as you both evolve as people, will you continue to be AS PERFECT as you were when you set out?

When one doesn't feel in love anymore, they experience a sense of dissonance within one self. We may project our idea of love or relationship on other person.

We try to show and be our best of selves. At the same time, we make their favorites our favorites too. Sometimes, being the person they would like.

Other times, we evolve into a person we didn't see becoming. And realize that the person we are in relationship with is not the person we would like to be with.

Why it may happen?

Age & Experience- As we progress through different phases of life, our experience causes change in our perspective, shift in values and priorities. A great partner may not be a responsible parent, thus what once felt most admirable about a person may become a hiccup as a spouse

Understanding about ourselves- What once was the most valued aspect in life while growing up, might be replaced with a new found passion Our idea of relationship or the partner may change with time as we discover more about ourselves and our passion in due course of life. Therefore ending up feeling incompatible

Discovery of real selves after honeymoon phase is over- Initial days & months of a relationship are usually spent in having to show each other the best of ourselves. With time it leads to discovery of our partner's real values and lifestyle, which may not best align with ours.

Unresolved Conflicts- When conflicts go unresolved for a long time, inner resentment takes precedence over every connection one could possible have had with their partner. Neither of them takes responsibility for how they feel.

A big event- An event such as a financial breakdown, or major illness may change our partner, or their life. When one partner chooses not to be a part of the hardships of the other or one who's facing it may not make it comfortable for the other to have them supported. Either or both ways, they may fall apart.

Although in our heart we may come to realize that this is not the person perfect for us, but we feel a sense of discomfort in letting them go.

We feel anxious and guilty to have them know the fact. The idea of hurting, disappointing or letting them down can bring a lot of conflict within ourselves. Also, the feeling when they would not be around and things won't be same may bring a sense of anticipated loneliness and uncertainty.

The implicit commitment that we make when we fall in love, takes a toll on us to continue being in love.

A recent research says, that feeling uncertain is the MOST common experience while breaking up.

And ofcourse it has to be, what we believed once now stands no longer true.

How a Counselor can help you?

  • Discover and explore what are your beliefs and values are
  • Understand the dynamics between you and your partner
  • Understanding the cause of underlying fear in letting them go
  • Empowering to make choices alligning with your core values
  • Assisting with effective coping strategies to transition from uncertainty to certainty