My husband and I have been together for 22 years. We knew each other for 7 years before marriage. We have 2 beautiful children and I thought we were happy. 1 month earlier he confessed he has been in a relationship with his colleague for the past 7 months.

Where did we go wrong?

According to research by Gottman Institute, a couple waits for an average of 6 years of being unhappy before seeking help to resolve their issues.

The most common reasons that lead to complications in marriage are:

  • Abuse:

    Physical or emotional abuse can be a corrosive for a marriage as it snatches away a partner’s sense of physical and emotional safety. It can infuse fear and resentment in the relationship and lead to a breakdown if it occurs on multiple occasions.

  • Cheating:

    Infidelity in a relationship is a personal affront to the commitment and trust of the partner. Every couple has their own rules about what constitutes cheating. For some, it could be watching porn, sex chats, emotional cheating, sexual infidelity. A betrayal leads to anger and grudge-holding, verbal attacks and it's a challenging but possible road to recovery of trust.

  • In-laws:

    Sometimes the bitterness might not be coming from within the relationship but external dynamics due to clashes, unjust behaviour, differences in opinions and ideas, misunderstandings which start impacting the marital bond.

  • Financial troubles:

    Financial struggles can create a cycle of stress and negative interactions, disconnect, arguments and that strains the bond partners share.

  • Conflicts:

    If a couple get stuck in destructive cycles of criticism, defensiveness, blame-games, and contempt then it slowly erodes the fondness, intimacy, and warmth they have for each other.

How Marriage Counseling Helps

  • Explore the marital bond
  • Identify the root cause of the emotional and physical disconnect
  • Rectifying mismatched expectations
  • Work on communication style
  • Correct power imbalances
  • Conflict resolution

Therapy Approach

  • Your counselor will spend the initial part of the therapy in building a rapport with you and giving you a safe, non-judgemental atmosphere to share your challenges.
  • The counselor will understand the current concerns, explore the marriage in-depth, identify the areas of work, set goals for therapy, assess the requirement of individual and couple sessions.
  • Gain an understanding of the patterns of communication, attachment styles, present triggers, unresolved conflicts, factors that have shaped the dynamics of marriage.
  • The Counselor will help to chart a course of action and step by step take up each problem area of the relationship like infidelity, abuse, personality clashes, differences in love languages, family history, boundary setting and equip you with skills to resolve conflicts change perspectives, find a middle ground or part amicably.
  • You may find noticeable changes after a few sessions where you would be able to identify triggers, deal with conflict effectively and are able to break the cycle of negative interactions.
  • The aim of the counselor is to empower you in your journey to build an emotionally healthy marriage. It takes upto 10-15 sessions to reach to this stage of therapy.

Introducing Our First Self-Help Book

"She had become so cold overnight, I couldn't believe she wasn't coming back this time. I didn't know what to do, what to say to make things okay anymore. If only I could say the right things maybe Preeti would have stayed."

With this book, we bring you several real stories. Few are a reflection of first-hand or vicarious experiences, others are inspired by break up cases helped by the counsellors at BetterLYF.

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