I get easily nervous when I am with my workplace buddies especially women. It’s difficult for me to start or maintain conversations, I become blank and then feel like an idiot. I always think - Why would they want to speak to me? I mean look at me. I don’t think they even like hanging out with me.

Do you feel anxious in giving a speech on stage? Do you often feel you are not “good enough” or “ worthy”? Is it difficult to accept compliments? Do you doubt your ability to complete a task? Are you fearful of how others perceive you? Are you self critical of your looks?All of these are manifestations of low confidence and a sign that our confidence needs a boost.

Signs And Symptoms Of Low Confidence

Self doubt
Lack of assertiveness
Feelings of unworthiness
Fear of judgment in social situations
Low self worth
Poor body image
Comparison
Negative and critical self talk
Dependence on others
Social anxiety

Causes

Critical Parents/Teachers
If we have been in an environment where we never received appreciation, support and encouragement, we internalize those critical statements expressed by our close ones especially if they were our primary caretakers like parents, grandparents, relatives.
Constant Comparison
With siblings, friends or peers in terms of appearance, academic achievements leads to poor self esteem and self doubt. In such cases we start judging ourselves by keeping others accomplishments as a measuring scale of our own successes.
Traumatic Experience
Impactful experiences ranging from sexual or physical abuse, bullying, neglect by parents, abusive romantic relationships can deteriorate our self belief and confidence.
Unhealthy Thought Patterns
Often there are certain thought processes and belief systems that we develop due to the experiences we underwent. These patterns of thought and behaviour make us rigid and hold on to one perspective. Such thought processes could include.

How Does Counseling Help

RAPPORT BUILDING
Educating the client regarding the process of Counseling. Building a counseling relationship where client feels safe in opening up and sharing their concerns. First session would include exploring areas in which confidence is lacking through examples and experiences. End the session with identification of goal of therapy.
UNDERSTANDING EFFECT OF PAST EXPERIENCE
Gaining an understanding of the root cause of low confidence and its effect. Delving deeper into how those experiences shaped and affected you. How these experiences made you feel. What thought patterns, core beliefs and behaviours developed out of these experiences that are detrimental to building confidence. For example- “I am not capable”, “I am not good enough”, “ I am a failure” are labels that we give based on few experiences.

Therapist helps to explore and internalize an encouraging voice be it in our past or in the present and how they would have talked to us if we faced a setback.
EXPLORING IRRATIONAL BELIEFS
Exploring negative beliefs and self defeating thoughts about oneself that may have stemmed from past experiences and challenging them. Therapist helps to bring awareness of negative interpretations, and of behavioral patterns which reinforce the distorted thinking. Cognitive restructuring helps to develop alternative rational ways of thinking and behaving which aims to reduce self doubt.

Homework- DRDT- Daily Record of Dysfunctional Thoughts where you keep a record of
- Situations that trigger negative thoughts about self
- Emotions- What that situation made you feel. Rate strength of feeling on a scale of 1-10
- Thought right after the experience
- Rational Response- alternative, positive response
IDENTIFICATION OF POSITIVES/STRENGTHS
In therapy, client’s strengths are evaluated and explored as to how these strengths can be utilized to overcome situations that make them engage in self doubt. Goal setting is done in sessions to achieve realistic, short term tasks that helps in boosting confidence and competency.
ROLE PLAY
Therapy helps you identify what being confident means to you. How would you act if you felt confident and incorporating that in day to day situations. In therapy session, role play is used to understand triggers of low self esteem and client and therapist practice on how to deal with those situations before facing them in real life and becoming assertive in interactions with others.
COMPLICATIONS
Lack of confidence may start with apprehension while speaking to strangers or in front of large audience which if left untreated can lead to social anxiety or it may manifest as body image concerns but if left unresolved, these concerns can lead to anxiety disorder and panic attacks when faced with uncomfortable, challenging situations.

In many cases it leads to self doubts at work which affects performance. In case of low self esteem it can lead to insecurities within relationships and self sabotage before trying something new or challenging situations.

Counseling Outcome

Enhanced self worth- As one is able to overcome challenging situations, feeling of inadequacy reduces.
Positive self talk- Therapy helps to replace negative, harsh self talk with nurturing, soothing and supportive self talk
Feeling engaged and comfortable in social situations/interactions- After understanding and surpassing anxiety and discomfort in social situations, you would be able to experience more comfort and engagement in social interactions
Focussing on self rather than comparison with others- Clarity is achieved on where to direct attention, energy and focus on- a stronger sense of self